“Westmont After Dark” is a totally bad thing, m’kay?

Posted By Admin October 25th, 2011 in Capstone : 14 COMMENTS

Jenna Fikes & Tyler Goff
Capstone Editors

Recently, some of Westmont’s students have voiced protest against “Westmont After Dark,” the newest Halloween tradition on campus. For those of you who don’t know what Westmont After Dark is and are therefore proving you literally never read The Horizon (shame on you) WAD is a Halloween-themed event involving three elaborate haunted house walkthroughs, games and snacks. The event is funded by WCSA, approved by Westmont administration and had a tremendous turnout at its kickoff event earlier this month.

It is also pure evil.

We aren’t kidding; it makes total sense that these concerned students should be concerned. Here are just a few of the hundreds of reasons why Westmont After Dark may be the most sinister event to be spawned on campus:

1. The Makeup
As students travel through the twisting sprawl of cardboard-walled mazes they will be chased and berated by students wearing makeup. Did you hear that?!?! They will be wearing  MAKEUP! As all good boys and girls know wearing gratuitous makeup on one’s face can cause others around you to lust after you. Even worse, these students will be wearing zombie and other styles of horrific makeup which will make any kind of inappropriate attraction even more inappropriate. Not to mention how itchy this makeup may make the actor’s faces. So, so itchy.

2. The Snacks
It is common knowledge that snacks are pretty much bite-sized death traps. What if a student who is allergic to gluten eats a snack with gluten on it? (Have you ever noticed that two-thirds of Westmont’s campus are allergic to gluten?) What if someone chokes on a pretzel? What if someone drinks a soda whilst eating Pop Rocks? What if that juicy apple is has been poisoned by the Queen? Man, this makes the makeup seem safe in comparison!

3. The Cardboard
Okay, so we don’t really have any proof to back any of this up but we are pretty sure that cardboard is the stuff nightmares are made of. It’s something about the way it feels between your fingers and has that distinct cardboard smell. Also, have you ever gotten a cardboard cut? It’s like the Super Saiyan version of a paper cut. Any event with this much cardboard is bound to be no good; just like Spring Sing.

4. The Costumes
Is lying a sin? Yes, of course it is. Is pretending to be someone or something you aren’t  lying? Doy. So if you are dressing in a costume pretending to be someone else than you are lying. It’s one of the major reasons we are boycotting “Peer Gynt”; how dare those hard working actors lie about who they are on stage to entertain us. Westmont After Dark, in comparison, is basically one big fat lie. Sort of like Global Warming, Obama’s plan of “Hope” or Tupac’s death.

There you have it: Westmont After Dark is wicked, sinister, diabolical and all kinds of negative adjectives. The Capstone fully supports any fear and paranoia caused by this event. We fully advocate sleeping in tents and dressing in weird costumes outside Kerrwood to protest this indecency. Wait, dressing in costumes is on the list. OK, just sleep in tents instead. We will occupy Westmont until this is all taken care of.   

Author’s note: After writing this article it was brought to my attention by John Ortberg, fourth-year, that none of the reasons listed above are actual concerns by students. They are more afraid that Westmont After Dark is dabbling in witchcraft and spirits. This new development has caused us to rethink our original views and come to a new conclusion: lighten up. It’s a Hallmark holiday.

14 Responses

  1. Seth says:

    How is writing an article that is sarcasm the whole way through at all good writing? We talk like that with friends but I’ve never seen a whole article written that way and published…. It doesn’t seem like an article that would be published in the Horizon.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Hahahaha! This made my day… but let’s just be real here for a second. If WAD is truly something that you think is evil and pagan, then I have a really good plan… DON’T GO! Believe it or not, no one is forcing you to go or even THINK about Halloween. Shocking right?

    Oh, and did you know that Halloween is the equivalent of Christmas Eve for All Saint’s Day? And since most of our Christmas traditions are also pagan… *gasp* I therefore think we should stop celebrating that too, since apparently we are making Christ’s birth evil.

    Oh and to put this in context, Halloween isn’t even a big deal to me… I could honestly care less whether I dress up or even celebrate at all for that matter. In fact, if I didn’t know about all the hard (and unpaid) work that the WAD people were putting in to make this happen, I probably wouldn’t be going to WAD in the first place. So ya, I’m not some Halloween junky who is addicted to the thrills and candy of Halloween and wants to push it on everyone else. I just think the controversy over this is silly. No one is going to lose their salvation by going to a haunted house. Otherwise, Disneyland probably would not have much business from Christians. 🙂

    • Anonymous says:

      If the bible warns not to do something, and we go forward and do it, isn’t the bigger question “are we really saved?” Here is my point, if someone loves God and wants what the Bible teaches and wants a relationship with Jesus, a relationship which increases and grows in wisdom, love and respect, why would anyone go anywhere the Father says not to and why put any energy in defending things he has written not to do?

      • Confused says:

        I am curious what verse in the Bible says to stay away from dark rooms with cardboard halls, loud noises, and people in costumes. I must have missed that one somewhere.

        Let’s make a brief comparison here, for fun. Spring Sing. For 2+ weeks, the vast majority of the campus neglects sleep and studying to dance (something many Christians still are not alright with), create bitter rivalries (and hold grudges afterwards), and covet after first place (and the shiny trophy). Let’s not even get started with the noise at late hours of the night (that is ooh so respectful of our neighbors). Does the Bible support this neglect of academic responsibilities? Does it support rivalries? Not to mention that dorms are then rewarded for all of their hard work with….a gold spray painted trinket (golden calf?). Am I saying Spring is bad? Only if Westmont After Dark actually destroys the gospel. I doubt that paint, costumes, and noises are really furthering Satan’s mission.

        On a last note, maybe we should be looking for wolves in sheep clothing; things that look like they glorify God but actually don’t (super conservation Christian theology?).

  3. Anonymous says:

    Have you never read the Capstone before?
    It’s entire purpose is to be sarcastic – that’s why everyone reads it!
    It’s hilarious.

  4. Anonymous says:

    There are only a few Christian colleges in the nation. Why come here if not for a Christ centered education?

    We should be protecting the heritage of this campus rather than tearing at it.

    What drew you to this campus?

  5. Matt says:

    Dear Confused,

    I’m joining you in your confusion, and I agree with you wholeheartedly. Especially your last point.

    I am tired of being barraged by ridiculous conservative theology that restricts instead of frees. These ideas and views have struck (ungodly) fear into the hearts of people everywhere, causing a narrowing of minds and a hardening of hearts.

    Let’s have fun this Halloween, and realize that Westmont After Dark is solely meant to entertain and to bring joy to students (yes, I said joy; Christians can experience “worldly” things and enjoy them). If you are so against this event, don’t go; just keep your close-mindedness to yourself and let the rest of us have a good time free of judgement.

  6. Anonymous 6 says:

    Opening Your Eyes to Spiritual Deception
    Thursday, 27 October 2011 07:40 AM EDT Jennifer LeClaire
    Medical doctors call it Usher syndrome. It’s a disorder that causes deafness and gradual loss of sight.
    You may have heard about it in the news in recent years. Jacob, the 9-year-old son of star horse jockey Kent Desormeaux, is suffering from the disease. Jacob is progressively going blind, and more quickly than anticipated. Doctors say one day he may not be able to see at all.
    As a parent, this tears at my heart. I can’t even imagine this father’s pain, watching as his son slowly but surely loses his senses of sight and hearing; realizing his son will soon be unable to hear his voice or see his smiling face. But this natural example also awakened my spirit to the Father’s pain in watching some of His own children slowly but surely lose their senses of sight and hearing—through spiritual deception.
    Like Usher syndrome, deception is progressive. I don’t believe people move from worshipping God to worshipping angels overnight, for example. Nor do I believe one leaps from the practical study of biblical types and shadows to practicing occultism quickly. It starts with a little erroneous fox. Just as the Word of God warns us how one sin can lead to another sin (read: David and Bathsheba) it is also true that one error can lead us into another error. One wrong belief can cause us to believe many wrong things.
    Of course, the devil first has to seduce us before he can deceive us and he’ll usually start with something that seems on the up and up. After all, the apostle Paul warned us that Satan transforms himself into an angel of light (2 Cor. 11:14). But with the written Word of God and all its warnings about deceiving spirits to guide us, how does deception get its stronghold? Well, one way is ignorance of the Word of God and the ways of God. But I also believe deception finds a doorway in the idolatry of our hearts.
    The Bible says the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked (Jer. 17:9). If that’s true, and it is, then none of us are above deception. If we think we are, then we’re deceived already. But the good news is Jesus sent the Holy Ghost to lead and guide us into all truth; truth that is readily confirmed in the canon of Scripture. If we follow His Spirit and His written Word instead of the idolatry of our hearts, we’ll walk in the light.
    Idolatry is always a danger. The apostle Paul lists it as a work of the flesh (Gal. 5:20). But the same apostle, inspired by the Holy Spirit, also told us to flee from idolatry (1 Cor. 10:14). The Word of God never instructs us to do something the grace of God won’t empower us to do. We simply have to get into agreement.
    Noteworthy is a comparison between two Scriptures that deal with fleeing. The Bible implores us to submit ourselves to God, “resist the devil and he will flee” (James 4:7). The Bible doesn’t say idolatry will flee from you. Rather, it says we have to flee from idolatry. Why? Because idolatry allows the tempter to get a foothold if we don’t turn our hearts toward God’s will instead of our own. Consider Paul’s warning:
    “God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently.
    “Therefore, my dearly beloved, shun (keep clear away from, avoid by flight if need be) any sort of idolatry (of loving or venerating anything more than God). I am speaking as to intelligent (sensible) men. Think over and make up your minds [for yourselves] about what I say. [I appeal to your reason and your discernment in these matters.]” (1 Cor. 10:13-15, AMP).
    So we can’t blame all this deception business on the devil. Nor can we be ignorant to his devices. Part of his ministry is to find the idolatry in our hearts: the deceitfulness of riches, the pride of life, the lust of the flesh or something else that causes us to give God’s place to another. Once Satan finds that idolatry he’ll tempt you with it. At that point we have a clear choice: Destroy the idol or walk into darkness.
    We must partner with the Lord in guarding our hearts with all diligence from deception in these last days. Again, most of us wouldn’t consider turning to occultic practices to discover hidden meanings in the name of prophecy. Yet some have fallen into this snare. Likewise, most of us wouldn’t exalt angels to a place they don’t deserve—or even want. And most of us wouldn’t offer strange fire in the name of Jesus. Yet, we see these things happening in the body of Christ even now.
    Again, deception is progressive. It starts with those little foxes. Guarding our hearts from deception means being humble enough to acknowledge that we are capable of being deceived. It also means setting our minds on Christ and putting first the Kingdom. As far as the world is concerned we have died, and our real life is hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3). Guarding ourselves from deception, then, means taking the apostle Paul’s advice:
    “Kill (deaden, deprive of power) the evil desire lurking in your members [those animal impulses and all that is earthly in you that is employed in sin]: sexual vice, impurity, sensual appetites, unholy desires, and all greed and covetousness, for that is idolatry (the deifying of self and other created things instead of God)” (Col. 3:5, AMP).
    Prophets are called to holiness, humility, and should be turning hearts away from sin toward God, not mysticism, angels or anything else. We’ve watched some in prophetic ministry stray from its purpose, sometimes for the sake of not appearing ‘religious.’ Yes, we want to make room for God to move how He wants and to avoid the trap of a religious spirit that would quench His operations. But does that mean we throw our discernment out stained glass windows to prove we’re open-minded? God forbid.
    Consider 9-year-old Jacob. While there is deliverance from deception, there is currently no cure for Usher syndrome. That means Jacob will soon lose his sight. This is not God’s will. So I ask you, what would it be like if the church rose up in power, equipping the saints with the truth to see signs of God—like healing the sick and opening blind eyes—following them that believe? I submit to you that Christ would be getting the glory He deserves and young Jacob would be able to hear the sound of his father’s voice and see him cross the finish line of a world-class horse race again.
    Jennifer LeClaire is news editor at Charisma. She is also the author of several books, including The Heart of the Prophetic. You can e-mail Jennifer at jennifer.leclaire@charismamedia.com or visit her website here.

  7. Anonymous says:

    When last have you healed the sick or raised the dead? That’s what Christians are called to do!

    How sad it is to observe that truly “Deceived people don’t know they are deceived people.”

    • Anonymous says:

      Darn straight it’s sad that “Deceived people don’t know they are deceived people.” You are an (albeit anonymous) example of that. Shame on you, for throwing your religion in people’s faces, thinking that your statements and attitudes display the love of Christ.

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