Capstone goes out of business…forever: International humor market takes a dive, and so does the beloved last page — emphasis on “last”

Posted By Horizon Staff April 16th, 2013 in Capstone : 0 COMMENTS

Eric Zuidema
Going down with the ship

It has been told to me that The Capstone will not be returning in the fall. I had a good laugh when I heard this, but then they told me they were serious.

“But I thought you said the Capstone could never die, man.”

Very true. This juggernaut of whatever-we-want is unstoppable. The Capstone will always live on.

That is, until after this issue, when it will die. I just told you that.

Here’s the deal. The Capstone doesn’t own its own humor; we rent from a company in Beijing. Recently, the exchange rate on the “laugh” rocketed in the wrong direction and now this just sounds like a bad sequel to “Monsters, Inc.,” which actually does have a sequel coming out soon. Come to think of it, so does “Finding Nemo.” That had better be good because I’m unemployed and plan on watching ALL movies.

If you’re having trouble adjusting to the inevitable fact that the best thing that ever happened to journalism will no longer be with us next semester, we suggest visiting the counseling center. Better yet, email gbeebe@westmont.edu with your concerns. Tweet angry protests and ironic one-liners with #savethecapstone or #capstonenation or even #sixseasonsandamovie.

But here at The Capstone, we’re a bit weary of fighting. We’ve enjoyed many years of peace and prosperity on this humble tract of thin grey paper. We even had color. We’re happy, ready to go out with smiles on our faces (and in Sara Reinis’ eyes). Unless you fight on our behalf, there will never again be an “our behalf” to fight for.

Otherwise, they’ll cap The Capstone, and that’s the gunshot meaning of “cap,” not the soda one.

My name is Eric, and thank you for letting me entertain you.

And will Destiny’s Child go on tour again? And will bee costumes catch on? And WHY ARE HER EYES JOYFUL?

And will Destiny’s Child go on tour again? And will bee costumes catch on? And WHY ARE HER EYES JOYFUL?

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