“Christus Primatum Tenens” – The only thing between us and a really weird college

Posted By Horizon Staff January 31st, 2013 in Capstone : 2 COMMENTS

Eric Zuidema

Labeled a heretic

Forget introductions; I’m going to jump right in because I don’t have time for carefully chosen language because there is so much work to do because sometimes professors forget that days are only 24 hours long and not sleeping at all for a semester straight almost always results in death which results in not turning in assignments on time which both look terrible on a resume/tombstone and I am so overwhelmed and kind of freaking out and actually I’m definitely freaking out and my heart rate is as fast as that one impossible DDR song and apparently my stomach loves K-pop because it’s stomping on my bladder but not even to the rhythm and it’s a bad influence on my head who is usually a pretty standup guy but at the moment he’s throbbing like a…well, like a throbbing headache. Wow, what a great introduction.

So Westmont’s motto is “Christus Primatum Tenens,” right? That’s from Colossians 1:18, “That in all things He might have the preeminence.”

What if that wasn’t our thing, though? What if this college was modeled after a different verse? I’ll be ignoring hermeneutics completely with the following suggestions, but just pretend for a second that these verses have no context and imagine a Westmont driven by alternative scripture.

 

Matthew 8:34 (NLT)

“Then the entire town came out to meet Jesus, but they begged him to go away and leave them alone.”

 

Proverbs 27:14 (NIV)

“If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.”

 

Song of Songs 1:16 (KJV)

“Behold, you are handsome, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green.”

 

Deuteronomy 28:27 (NIV)

“The LORD will afflict you with the boils of Egypt and with tumors, festering sores and the itch, from which you cannot be cured.”

 

Leviticus 24:16 (from Da Hawai’i Pidgin Bible)

“Whoeva talk stink bout my name, Yahweh, gotta mahke. All da peopo goin throw stones at dem fo kill dem. No matta dey one guy from odda place dat live wit you guys, o one Israel guy, if dey talk stink my name, you guys gotta kill dem.”

Genesis 2:20 (NLT)

“He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was bi helper just right for him.”

 

Exodus 22:18 (KJV)

“Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.”

 

Psalm 118:22 (NIV)

“The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone…”

 

Also, the college hymn is “Great Is Thy Faithfulness,” but we could conceivably sing something else those few official chapels in which we try to impress the important people attending with the long and rich history of our dignified institution. Personally, I’d love to hear the whole student body belting “Do You Hear the People Sing?”

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