Capstone
April 30th, 2013
Anonymous Author DJ Stout, fourth-year and true American hero, made a significant donation to The Capstone this week, in hopes of saving the page from financial ruin: an entire dish of pumpkin bread pudding. I know, right? We were shocked at such a spectacular act of unbidden generosity, and our financial consultants were sure this gift would be enough to keep The Capstone afloat. Unfortunately, it was not. It tasted really good, though. Lesson learned: you can’t pay off student loans with dessert, even if you manage to convince the post office that cellophane is an appropriate shipping container and […] More
April 30th, 2013
Famed Westmontologist gives us an introduction to political life in the secretive liberal arts college Michael DeMichillie Spell that five times fast As Westmont gears up for its annual May Day celebrations, experts like myself have a difficult time communicating the political life of this withdrawn, isolated college. My article today aims to give newcomers some bearing on their strange way of life. The first thing to understand about Westmont is the official state ideology based on the “Christian liberal arts.” Adherence to this doctrine is required within the college’s closed political system. This ideology, which the college uses to […] More
April 16th, 2013
Eric Zuidema Going down with the ship It has been told to me that The Capstone will not be returning in the fall. I had a good laugh when I heard this, but then they told me they were serious. “But I thought you said the Capstone could never die, man.” Very true. This juggernaut of whatever-we-want is unstoppable. The Capstone will always live on. That is, until after this issue, when it will die. I just told you that. Here’s the deal. The Capstone doesn’t own its own humor; we rent from a company in Beijing. Recently, the exchange […] More
April 11th, 2013
Matthew Bennett Don’t even get him started on hypnotism What is magic, really? According to first-year Grady Goff, magic “cannot be gained nor can it be learned. It simply is, if you are worthy enough to bear it.” But what is magic? Well, some may tie magic to alchemy or Harry Potter or the Force or something like that. Some may even say that magic is all hodge-podge. Don’t ask what Mike thinks. According to Taylor Swift, a love affair can even be magic. According to Wikipedia — there are too many definitions of magic on Wikipedia to truly allow […] More
April 11th, 2013
Alejandro Santana-Vallarta Please call him “Hondo” We love it on our French fries, and we lather it on our burgers and hotdogs. Heck, I love it on the lentil loaf the DC serves “cnce in a blue moon” (too late for a Pageman to win Spring Sing? #imnotbitteriswear#okaymaybealittlebit). I am, of course, talking about ketchup: that wonderfully mystical red goo that most of us mistook as the paint for the canvas of our shirts when we were five years old and still eating our boogers. Aaaah, boogers. Speaking of boogers, ketchup is salty and a great condiment to the otherwise […] More
April 11th, 2013
His name is Brad Elliott. At least, that’s what he claims his name is. He takes pictures of everything on campus. Pictures of you, pictures of me, and they could be up on his wall. We’re not sure if he’s a menace to society or not, but just to be sure, we’d like to know his location at all times. Who knows? Maybe we’ll discover that he’s a really cool guy. If you see this man taking pictures around campus, take a picture of him and share it on a social media site #picturesofbradtakingpictures More
March 28th, 2013
Eric Zuidema Asking the questions Paige Boies, will you go to Spring Formal with me? More
March 28th, 2013
Eric Bennett & Matthew Zuidema Blood brothers forever It’s a stressful season, that springtime. Yeah, flowers and sunshine and all that smooth jazz are great, but they bring enough pollen and pit-stains to be sold in Costco — right next to the bulk bottles of antihistamines. So this here Capstone put together some ways to cope with whatever the vernal equinox brings. We implore you to to follow our advice to the letter, although we have no idea what will happen if you do. Spring Break • First of all, if you’re not attending a missions trip over the break, you’re a […] More
March 28th, 2013
Eric Zuidema A Hanes guy & Jonny Wahl Only holiday boxers Do you hear the people sing? A plea has been issued to the student body to sing more quietly during chapel worship. It is very difficult to hear the band over the singing of students. The spiritual health of the Westmont community is in jeopardy as long as the cacophonous voices of the student body are in competition with the instruments. Several alternative solutions have been offered. One obvious solution involves the chapel band adding three more acoustic guitars, but this would require finding three more Westmont students who […] More
March 28th, 2013
Eric Zuidema Palm Sunday (March 24th): Coconut Shrimp Holy Monday (March 25th): Bundt Cake Holy Tuesday (March 26th): Fasting (deny your meals thrice) Spy Wednesday (March 27th): 30 Silver Dollar Pancakes Maundy Thursday (March 28th): Garden Salad with Olives Good Friday (March 29th): Death by Chocolate (from TGI Friday’s) Black Saturday (March 30th): Lutefisk (because so many terrible things have happened on this day; just check out the Wikipedia disambiguation page for it) Easter Sunday (March 31st): Self-Rising Bread Got more ideas for Holy Week Cuisine? We’ll bet you want other people to know […] More
